do what you do baby

this weekend shed some light on everything. all the circumstances within the past few days made me very self aware of all the ill feelings i harbor. this anxiety and uncomfortableness led me to a very important convo with my dad last night. why do i resent my parents? why have i horded all this guilt for such a long time and this self-hatred? that's the real question that i try my hardest not to answer. it's more complex than what it seems to be. but i finally came to terms and to a definitive conclusion. i have a theory now, i know the cause and once i finally recognized that, it was simple letting it go, easy as exhalation. this entry is really emo but i feel like a fucking changed woman/girl. it's taken a lot of baby steps to be here now but it's the way my life had to be. it's essential to appreciate my parents, their struggle, our struggles, and have gratitude and all that good shit.

with all of this said, i had a really fun weekend/independence day. it's just so mind-boggling that within the mix of that i could also somehow stumble upon this new healthy perspective and finally accept my childhood for what it was, grow up into young adulthood and move on with my life. the real next step/test is having the ability to support myself with my own two feet.

real2k-9