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i went to christmas and all i got was this stigmata.
i like how we're not doing presentz this year. it makes everything less stressful, and why should my mom buy shit just because christians say you have to? my parents aren't even real christians anyway. they worship asian jesus. hahaha i thought of that last night when i was hanging out with will.
Will is awesome. He's been a consistent positive person in my life. i probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for him. there were plenty of times when i was fed up with him but it's never too hard to remind myself what a great person he is.
i was also saying how i like christmas because it means that from now on there will be more light: the days are getting longer. which is good news for my seasonal depression. although, i do have to say, i feel a lot better this year than the last two years. maybe it's cuz i got straight A's, have awesome friends, dating a cute guy who respects me, about to move to richmond/in with ben, and salvia plath party is playing a lot of shows. it's been a lot easier to focus on the positive. i have to use these things/accomplishments as a mental checklist to validate me when i start doubting myself; it's not to toot my own horn, it's just that usually when seasonal affective disorder starts making me crazy in August I lose a grasp on my worth. but even if i lost all of these things, because let's face it, every physical manifestation is only temporal, i do think i've found peace. it's uncanny and new, and maybe it's just a sign that i'm growing up. i'm going to be 20 in a little over half a year. no more adolescent bitching and griping. my purpose is way too big to just sit idly and intimidated. so is yours. something that i think resonated with will is when i said:
"it's not about fighting against but rather fighting for."
i like how we're not doing presentz this year. it makes everything less stressful, and why should my mom buy shit just because christians say you have to? my parents aren't even real christians anyway. they worship asian jesus. hahaha i thought of that last night when i was hanging out with will.
Will is awesome. He's been a consistent positive person in my life. i probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for him. there were plenty of times when i was fed up with him but it's never too hard to remind myself what a great person he is.
i was also saying how i like christmas because it means that from now on there will be more light: the days are getting longer. which is good news for my seasonal depression. although, i do have to say, i feel a lot better this year than the last two years. maybe it's cuz i got straight A's, have awesome friends, dating a cute guy who respects me, about to move to richmond/in with ben, and salvia plath party is playing a lot of shows. it's been a lot easier to focus on the positive. i have to use these things/accomplishments as a mental checklist to validate me when i start doubting myself; it's not to toot my own horn, it's just that usually when seasonal affective disorder starts making me crazy in August I lose a grasp on my worth. but even if i lost all of these things, because let's face it, every physical manifestation is only temporal, i do think i've found peace. it's uncanny and new, and maybe it's just a sign that i'm growing up. i'm going to be 20 in a little over half a year. no more adolescent bitching and griping. my purpose is way too big to just sit idly and intimidated. so is yours. something that i think resonated with will is when i said:
"it's not about fighting against but rather fighting for."
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